For the Grown-Ups

You are responsible for your own happiness. (Yes, you.)

This is the third of my Love Notes to you in which I share the things I wish I had known when my kiddos were little and I was a young mom. If you're ready for some Big Sister hand-holding and a little advice, I’m here for you.

This one is simple: you're responsible for your own happiness.

I spent years denying it and rolling my eyes. Come ON! Isn't my husband supposed to want to make me happy? Aren't we friends supposed to do that for each other? Isn't that what we're ENTITLED to? But now at 54, I know it's true. It's my job, for me.

I used to spend SO MUCH TIME being disappointed in people who didn't show up for me. I was busy noticing all the ways that the world didn't meet me in the way I wanted. I was regularly resentful, stuck, and angry. It seems I even picked situations in which I could feel that way — perhaps my subconscious was trying to get me to wake up to the ways I was limiting myself. I was an expert on codependency.

But then I started to get it — slowly, in baby steps. Fluent in prioritizing others' needs over my own, I had to start with identifying what brought me joy (see Love Note 2), which was a practice unto itself. And then I had to trust the call and walk into it. I am still doing this. But goodness! When you ARE taking responsibility for your own happiness, happiness comes that much more easily. And it's RICH.

Protective parts of you (or your mind, or your trauma, or your conditioning, or however you want to think of it) might say a variety of things:

• It's not safe.
• It's selfish.
• People will leave me/stop loving me. I will be alone.

There are many, many permutations of these messages. They are just trying to keep you safe. Work with them in whatever way you will (again, so many ways to do this) knowing all the while: these messages aren't true.

When you stop waiting for others to show up just so and you give yourself all the choices you want toward your own wellbeing and happiness, that is POWERFUL. You make yourself free.

So what's it going to be? What are you wanting for yourself? Where is your joy calling to you? I don't care what it is — from that colorful scarf you saw on a woman in the coffee shop, to taking your daughter's skateboard for a session in the cul-de-sac – take a step toward it. Today.

(And if you want a reminder for how your joy is essential, go back to Love Note # 2.)

Big love from your Big Sis at Sparkle HQ,

Lisabeth