Sparkle Schoolhouse

Exploring the Dry Gables Series - “This is Our Moment”

Welcome back to Dry Gables, Sparklers! It’s so nice to return to a familiar place with our good friends the Denkens, the Herz Family, and the Bauers as they teach us how to be our best selves — and how to navigate even when we’re not our best selves. In short, our Dry Gables friends show us how to live in community with compassion, gratitude, and love.

Each time we go to Dry Gables together, we explore a different facet of how our children’s various personalities express themselves and how we as their guardians can celebrate, honor, and best support them. Our Dry Gables folks are lucky to have each other — and we are fortunate to have them, as well as the Enneagram, to guide us. The Enneagram is a complex and meaningful model of human personality. It offers us a road map which can be very useful in helping us to identify who we are at our best and what blocks us from being able to access the natural gifts that bring us to a place of happiness and greater ease.

The stories in this collection, Dry Gables: Good Neighbors, give us insights into how we resolve conflict and strive to get our needs met — and what we do when they are not met.

In Dry Gables: Good Neighbors, we ask the question

How do our children try to get their needs met in relationships? And when their needs go unmet, how do they cope with difficulty?

The story “This Is Our Moment” from the Dry Gables: Good Neighbors collection. features our town schoolteacher Seamus O’Connor (married to Liesl Herz, of the Herz Family), Dry Gables’ newspaper man and typesetter Max Denken, and town baker Marta Bauer. These are our Dry Gables community members who will pull away, retreat, or withdraw in order to get what they want, get a certain need met, or navigate effectively when they are coping with a challenge. They are our community members who find their comfort in the “inner space” in their imagination.

In our story, Seamus, Marta, and Max have taken on the task of preparing the town for an overnight visit from Oscar Wilde. The playwright was touring the country lecturing on beauty and wanted to see the American Wild West. Seamus and Max know who Oscar Wilde is and wish to entice Mr. Wilde to visit Dry Gables. The rest of the town isn’t quite as enthused, however. Other Dry Gables folks have better things to do or they don’t want too much attention on their little town and visits by the press. The three are crest-fallen, and each respond by pulling away.

• Seamus dreams up lots of possibilities where he and Wilde treat each other as equals, but when his dream is dashed he withdraws to protect himself from exposing his tenderness and sensitivity.

• Max had spent his time studying everything about Wilde, sure that the two of them would share great philosophical understandings. When it became clear that his efforts were for naught, he became discouraged. He wasn’t really able to articulate why he was so upset, and all he could do was isolate himself, spending long hours in his work.

• Marta was the one who remained most like herself in spite of her disappointment, unless the play was mentioned. When this happened, she would quickly change the subject pretending that all was well. Marta does whatever she can to avoid conflict with others and the uneasy feeling that goes along with it.

Perhaps you will recognize some of these tendencies in your own child. Do you notice that your child tends to either retreat, “wall-off,” or withdraw when they want something or if they are concerned about not having their needs met?

What Seamus, Max, and Marta have in common is that:

• they each move into an inner space to protect themselves when they experience a challenge.
• they sometimes feel like they are separate or that they don’t belong.
• they may become upset when there is strife.
• they remove themselves to a place that is safe and familiar.
• they may have trouble moving from thought into action.

While some may assert their confidence when challenged, and others may be more compliant, our friends Seamus, Max, and Marta respond to stress by withdrawing into a space where they feel more comfortable, secure or safe.

Children who respond to stress like Seamus might be mysterious or hard to read. They might remove themselves from social interaction. Children like Seamus may be very unique and strong, creative individualists, needing to be themselves. While they are imaginative and compassionate and often artistic, sometimes they feel like they don’t fit in.

Children who respond to stress like Max might observe a situation, rather than participating in it. Children like Max love the feeling of being able to not only do something well, but to understand it. Sometimes when a child is behaving like Max, they may feel so smart that they worry that others can’t understand them.

Children who respond to stress like Marta might not withdraw outwardly, but even if they are present, they might be disengaged. They like to be peaceful and easy-going, always looking for harmony and stability. A child like Marta will avoid conflicts and she might withdraw so that others don’t take her peace or disturb her stillness.

If your child has a bit of Seamus, Max, or Marta in them, your invitation is to consider what it is that would satisfy their fundamental needs and what circumstances might be creating some difficulty for them.

You might ask yourself:

For those who see Seamus in their child: Is he seeking reassurance that he is seen for who he really is and that he is special? Is he being given permission to feel the full range of his feelings and still be loved and accepted?

For those who see Max in their child: Is he seeking validation that he is competent or is he looking for reassurances that his imaginings can be understood? Is he secure not only in his knowledge and competence, but also in knowing the freedom to be vulnerable and to have needs?

For those who see Marta in their child: Is she looking for harmony and for the confidence that her presence brings people together? Is she feeling unsettled because she can’t control the discord or upset in her environment?

We all have needs. We all have desires. We all face challenges.

The trick is understanding those needs, desires, and challenges — and then discovering who we authentically are in the midst of them — and then living with others in community! This is the task of being fully human. This is the task of being a good neighbor.

GOOD NEIGHBORS:

~ respect each other

~ love each other amidst differences

~ have compassion for each other’s vulnerability

You also might like to read a little more about the previous story in this series.

*DRY GABLES CHARACTERS and the ENNEAGRAM

In our Dry Gables Series, the Enneagram Personality Types are represented in the following story characters:

The Bauers: Dry Gables Crafters

• Type 8 Blacksmith: Johann Bauer

• Type 9 Baker: Marta Bauer (Johann’s sister)

• Type 1 Carpenter: Wilhelm Bauer (Johann’s nephew)

The Herz Family: Dry Gables Service Leaders

• Type 2 Nurse: Liesl Herz

• Type 3 Businessman/Mayor: Ernst Bernard (EB) Herz (Liesl’s nephew)

• Type 4 Teacher: Seamus O’Connor (Liesl’s husband)

The Denkens: Dry Gables Connectors

• Type 5 Typesetter/Newspaperman: Max Denken (son of Franz and Lena Denken)

• Type 6 General Store Owners/Merchants: Franz and Lena Denken

• Type 7 Pony Express Driver: Jenka (Jane) Meyer (Maiden name: Denken)

To learn more about the Enneagram, click here.

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