Sparkle Schoolhouse

Exploring the Dry Gables Series - "Marta Bauer The Baker (and Peacemaker)"

The stories from the two Dry Gables Series include an accompanying post from the Sparkle Schoolhouse Educator, Meredith Markow. Each post offers insights into the characters and dynamics of the stories, along with suggestions for how to use the stories as parenting or teaching tools!

Welcome, welcome Sparkle Grown-Ups!

Just sitting here drinking my tea, and eating a piece of Welcome Cake, and settling in to get better acquaint you with our friend, Dry Gables’ baker, Marta Bauer, featured in the story "Marta Bauer: Baker and Peacemaker" from the Dry Gables collection.

Marta, being a Bauer, wants her autonomy. Unflappable and good-natured as she is, she, like her brother Johann and nephew Wilhelm, is telling us not to interfere with her Boundaries. Martas tend to keep the peace, and in order to do so, sometimes they stamp down their anger rather than express it. But it can still be there, lurking.

Bauers want to be in control, they are asking us not to interfere with their boundaries, and the emotion that often underlies their motivations or that they are avoiding feeling is Anger.

Our Martas are easy going. They are deeply receptive, trusting accepting, emotionally stable, patent, and inclusive. They are good mediators and good communicators, and people are drawn to them for their abilities to unify.

You’ll recall in the story that it seemed that “people almost timed their conflicts and arguments according to what Marta was baking that day.” And just like all of the ingredients coming together to make a delicious Welcome Cake, so too, do our Martas synthesize opinions and perspectives. They can truly heal conflicts.

Sometimes, though, they can be too willing to go along to keep the peace, and they can minimize what is upsetting to them. They can be passive or even stubborn. Yes, they are generally even keeled, but also they can have emotional storms. They tend to absorb upsets first, but they can only do that for so long, before it blows. But it passes over quickly when it happens. Martas are our eternal optimists. Hoping for the best for others and themselves. They work hard to have things work out well.

When your child is being a Marta, you might notice that they:

• Like to be comfortable

• Are optimistic

• Can not be rushed

• Are sweet and accepting

• Have trouble making decisions

• Go along with the flow

• Say things are fine when they aren’t

• Move/speak a little more slowly than others

• Get their feelings hurt but may hide it

• Have a stubborn streak

• Are mellow and relaxed, but you can occasionally detect anger in their expression

• Feel especially connected to nature

Our Martas are the peacekeepers, and they create harmony and ease among their fellow friends (and even adversaries).

And because they are Bauers, they want to control their environment and resist being controlled by it. Sometimes Martas can ignore or refuse to deal with what bothers them. They are seeking peace and they don’t like to feel upset. And if they feel the pain of conflict, they may even withdraw emotionally.

But why?

But the question is why? What is their stubbornness or withdrawal telling us?

The primary worry for our Martas is that they won’t be connected to others. They long for unity and harmony, and they fear fragmentation or discord. Our Martas want to be unified with those around them.

What your Marta most wants to hear from you is:

YOUR PRESENCE BRINGS US TOGETHER.

Perhaps you’ll notice that this reassures them in their moments of upset, or if their behaviors, words, actions are challenging.

Here are a few tips when you have a little Marta on your hands:

1. Remember that change can be threatening for Martas. They like the comfort of the status quo. Don’t pressure them directly. Let them join in at their own pace. They will tune you out if pushed.
   
2. Gently point out to them what they are denying, to make sure that they aren’t repressing their emotions. Be sure when you do this, however, not blame or accuse.
   
3. Because they don’t like to be upset or to upset others, you might have to give your Marta permission to have negative feelings. Disclose your own negative feelings too. Greater peace can be found by acknowledge what is really going on.
   
4. Be careful not to say something upsetting that they can’t do anything about.
   
5. Don’t require them to be confrontational. They will procrastinate or avoid doing that entirely.
   
6. They value their relationships, so value them in the relationship.
   
7. Be present to them. Otherwise they can disengage.

The gift that our Martas give to us is:

Peace and Unity!

And no one could argue that our world could use more of that!

To quote Marta Bauer:

“I’m glad we are all here together – its good to come together like this – to talk things through and … remember … where we all come from - what is important to us and then … see how lucky we are to experience it all … together.”