For the Grown-Ups

Enneagram Type 3 Kids: You are Loved for YOU

Hi there, Sparkle Families!

If you’ve listened to many Sparkle Stories, you know that our characters definitely have their own unique, distinct personalities. This is particularly true of the “Dry Gables” series. Have you ever listened to a Sparkle Story and heard your child (or yourself) reflected in the characters? It’s actually very important to have an awareness of not only our own personality types, but those of our children. Aspects of a child’s personality affect how they learn, play, listen, and feel. We’ve created some helpful parenting resources that address precisely this! And In this post our focus is on our highly achieving, industrious and motivating- the Enneagram 3’s. We’ll take a look through the lens of a “Dry Gables” favorite, "EB Herz: Prospector, Businessman, and Mayor" as we cover more about this personality type (and what parenting an “EB” might be like).

EB is a member of the Herz family, so he is looking not only for his own worth, but he also wants to know that others value him too. Herz’s are aware of their self-image, and they are asking for appreciation and acknowledgment. And absent of feeling validated, either by themselves or others, they may feel ashamed.

A member of the Herz community wants to maintain their image that they are good, worthy and significant, and they are asking to be seen as they want to be seen. The driving emotion that often underlies their motivations or that they are defending against feeling is Shame.

Our “EBs” do emanate a lot of self-confidence, but what is also true is that their self-esteem can be a bit fragile. They tend to set high standards for themselves, and they push themselves to do their best work. Sometimes our EBs think they get approval not so much because of who they are, but rather because of what they achieve. They want to be successful, and they like to be noticed for their capacities. If your child sounds like an EB, you may recognize some of the qualities of the Enneagram Type 3. Keep reading to learn more!

When your child is being an EB, you might notice that they:

• Love it when others feel proud of them
• Are sociable, charming and are well-liked
• Like to be the center of attention
• Have many abilities
• Push themselves to be good at them
• Have a hard time losing
• Have a competitive nature
• Have a hard time receiving feedback
• Fit well into the social scene
• Like to be clean and well dressed
• Become overly tired from overdoing
• Have a quick mind
• Seem confident most of the time
• Motivate others to be their best

Our EBs (Enneagram Type 3's) are success-oriented, and they are very competent. They motivate and inspire others; they want to be their best and they want this for others too. They want to make a good impression, and they do whatever they can, so that they do not feel as though they have failed. They are very self-confident, but they can also be quietly insecure underneath the achievement. They can be out of touch with their feelings, even though they are very tender and big-hearted. They want positive feedback, and if ignored, they may angle for more attention. They want to excel and they want to be ‘the best’. And they may overwork or self-promote to get those things.

But why?

The primary worry for our EBs is that they lack self-worth, and this is difficult because they so want to be valued. And at the same time, they want others to feel worthy and valued, so they are inspirational motivators bringing others to achieve their highest as well. While our EBs strive and strive and strive, what they really want is to be valued and seen for who they authentically.

What your EB most wants to hear from you is:

YOU ARE LOVED FOR YOURSELF.

When their behaviors, words, actions are challenging, it’s often because they don’t feel that they are. If you are curious to learn more about your child’s Enneagram type, try this quiz.

Here are a few tips when you have an EB on your hands:

• Give them what they most need. Want to be valued and accepted and appreciated. Don’t withhold admiration.

• EBs can have a hard time being aware of their feelings. Ask them what they really feel. Give them latitude to feel.

• Assure them that their value does not come from their performance. Affirm personal value.

• Focus on their strengths first before offering guidance for improvement.
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The gift that our EBs give to us is:

VALIANCE AND PRIDE!

They make us all want to be better people, and they help lead us and show us how to do just that.

Give me an E! E! Give me a B! B! What’s it spell?
Self-Worth!!!!! Go, EB! Go, Us!