For the Grown-Ups

How About Let’s Start with Letting You Be You?

I have always been obsessed with making sure my children feel as much space as possible to be who they are.

As a child of the 70s — a time in which parents weren’t supported or encouraged to be curious about their kids as unique beings — I’ve struggled between the expectations that were passed down to me from my parents and my own natural ways and inclinations. It felt like a battle — safety over authenticity, belonging over being true to myself. So when I became a parent, I set to work making sure that my children would have as much space as possible to flourish.

But...I kind of forgot about myself. Of course I was giving myself room, but not radical room. Not the kind of radical room I’m giving myself at 54.

I’ve preached over the years about the importance of modeling. Your kids may listen to what you say, but they learn from what you do. My father said to me, “You can be or do anything!” but he stayed in a career that made him depressed and angry. My path didn’t follow his exactly, but I certainly held myself in spaces and standards that weren’t authentic to me, because I told myself the story, “It was best.”

Here’s what I am doing now (that I wish I'd had the clarity to do then):

• I move toward the things that call me, even if they don’t impact my bottom line.
• I feel into the small things that I want and need: what foods, what clothes, if and when I need to use the bathroom (yes, that simple!), and I act on it.
• I make time for my creativity.
• I rest. I hesitate to push myself when I’m tired — I try to work as I have energy.
• I feel what I feel instead of resisting what I feel and telling myself I shouldn’t feel that way.
• I make room to feel into my experience as a living, breathing, embodied being.
• I make room, I make room, I make room. Whether I feel I’ve hit the mother lode of joy and inspiration or I find I’ve hit a hard wall of frustration, I make room.

Also: I’m taking responsibility for my life in a new way. I look at what I want most, and instead of waiting for or expecting others to show up and give it to me, I look for ways to create it. I recognize that I have choice in how I respond to situations. I have choice in how I frame my view of my own life. I have choice in how I treat my body, how I treat others, how I treat the planet, and how I show up on a day-to-day basis. And though it’s not easy, it feels powerful.

Note: I recognize that, as someone who has all her basic needs met and then some, I have the beautiful privilege of this exploration.

How can you let yourself be more of you? How can you step away from societal standards, social media, familial expectations, and, most importantly, your own inner critic that has absorbed and now espouses those same things? How can you breathe more you into you? Today, now, what would give you an opening to 2% more of yourself?

If we want our kids to embody the fullness of who they are, then we must must must do the same. But really, do it for you. Because when we are aligned — at least I can say this for myself — there’s a depth of satisfaction that can’t be found from any other thing or activity.

I hope that helps.

~ Lisabeth