Forget "fit in." Who are you really?
In August, we talked about getting ourselves ready for new routines and rhythms, for back-to-school schedules and systems. Many of us are working within the conventional school system ... and its established architecture doesn't always invite kids to express their uniqueness.
So let me take September to invite us into the question: who are these amazing creatures that are our children? And how do you make more space for them to unspool themselves fully?
I believe the greatest gift you can give a child is be present and curious about who they are — to make room for them to explore and to invite them find their own joys naturally, with as little input or pushing as possible. And then to celebrate what’s coming forward, moment by moment.
I also believe that equal to this gift is doing your own work. Who are you really? What have you come here to bring? Where are your sweetest joys? Where are your deepest pains? When you listen under all of the "cultural programming" and old hurts, who do you find? (I can tell you from my small experiences with presence — it’s pure joy and possibility.)
So this fall season when we’re trying really hard to fit in — whether that be to a parent or kid group, or to a lifestyle, or to a certain way of organizing our lives — let’s opt out of the normal routine and pause. Let’s not assume we have to do things the exact same way we’ve always done them.
Let's ask more questions like: - When I take time to sit still, what arises? - Emotion? How can I feel it? - Desire? How can I honor it? - What do I need in this moment? - What feels good? What am I fighting or resisting? - If I were to have all the money and freedom in the world, what would I do with the next 8 hours?
And then — as you witness your kids — as the same sort of questions: who are you today? What is lighting you up? What are you bumping up against? How can I honor who you are?
In this way, we can start enjoy who we are — and who are children are — in this very moment, and use that as a starting place for how we want our lives to look and feel.
But listen: it's lifelong work and I'm no expert. I just think of myself as your bossy big sister, and I want you to know what I'm learning. The truth is I bump up against fear on a daily basis — a fear that makes me judgmental and controlling. But the more I practice this curiosity and openness, the more I can feel them shine in the light of my presence and appreciation.
May your September be full of new understanding and connection!
