Ancestors, Elders and Us
I'm about to pack a biggie topic into a little blog post. But it's November after all — and today is the Mexican holiday Día de Los Muertos. So let me get to it. Today we celebrate Elders and Ancestors.
First, I want to set my intention: I want to appreciate those who came before me — not only for what I inherited from them, but also for what they created for me. They laid the groundwork for me to be able to be who I am and do what I do. And yes, I've worked to let go of some of what's been handed down — we all have to parse out what no longer serves from what we've been given. But truly, I have every opportunity now to be my fullest self and live my greatest expression, and that's because of them.
Both of my grandmothers could be bright lights. Neither were mentally or emotionally healthy women, but they both married young and had four children fairly quickly. Both were married to physicians who largely ignored them. One of my grandfathers was known to medicate away any sign of emotionality. It was a tough era to be a woman and a mother. They weren't easy to be close to, but I feel for them now — and appreciate them for hanging in there in the ways they knew how.
Both of my grandfathers were brilliant. One intellectually and the other emotionally. Both were troubled and could be terrible fathers and husbands. Both were terrific grandfathers in their unique ways. I was very close to both of them and loved them dearly, even after I learned how they mistreated their own nuclear families.
Alcoholism runs in my family, as does mental illness. As do big minds, big hearts, big commitment to caring for others, and the ability to overcome hard things. My grandmother Kay lives in my expressiveness and my fierceness. My grandfather Robert in my smarts and my curiosity. I have a romantic heart like my grandmother Nancy, and I learned tenderness and the pleasure of caring for others from my grandfather JH. I am determined and generous like my Mom, and I enjoy loving people like my Dad. Beautiful stuff.
Now my parents are the age my grandparents were when I finally started to see and know them. They are beautiful humans. They worked hard — they still do — and they love their family dearly. I hope my kids are starting to see and understand the people "that they come from."
This holiday season, I hope you and your family have ample time to celebrate and appreciate the elders in your lives, and perhaps their parents and their parents' parents too. If you can, ask them to tell you stories. Let them show you where they've come from and what they've come through to be here now, so you know and understand the ground you now get to stand on. (And yes, I know there are the inevitable triggers — there's nobody who knows how to "push our buttons" better than the people who installed them — but even those offer good learning.)
Happy November Sparkle friends!
